Let's cry, let's smile....

I just have been through the weirdest day in my life.

And i fucking hate it.

Dunno if something is wrong with me or what but its so fucking hard that i can't stand it.

I always said " I won't say anything again" but, at the end everything is the same.


I have so much anger inside of me and i scared because i dont know from where it comes.


how many times i cried today?
FUCK, i lost the count.


The worst?
I can't say anything.

Everyone seems to notice but not you.

What should i do?

I never needed you before, so why this sudden needs?

Why does it seem that i want to have your attention and doesn't matter everything i do i can't get it?.

Looks like nothing is enough, but maybe not for you but for me.

Maybe i just overeacting and having a little colapse,

Guess what? im not used to.

anger, sadness,loneliness...

Many mixed feelings that i can't say if this is the way that i was supposed to feel.

I need you, you know? but everything seem more important than me.

Its sad i must say.

but i have to deal with it, live with it.

Pride?

The thing is that i can't stand infront of you and say " I need you".

Geez, i'm a fucking mess.


P.-If i been cocky with someone today i must say sorry then.

Can u feel my heartbeat?

Se suponía que arriba iría una fotica de mi electrocardiograma pero mi cel se puso ghei so, lets just stop it here (?).

Its beeen a while D:! And.. adfhlvasl efklf no escribiré en inglés porque y no punto!. o_ó!

Siglos sin actualizar esto pero me veo en la nescesidad de hacerlo
¿Por qué?
Porque quiero 8D.


Me han suc edido tantas cosas D: que el numéro de caracteres no me alcanzarían pero, ya pasarón so, no tienen caso recordarlas so, centremonos en lo más relevante:


1.- Fuí al doctor.
2.-Me sacarón sangre y me hicierón analisis.
3.-Me hizé un electrocardiograma y un tipo teto y porno me vió las tetas.
4.-Las mías eran las más bonitas de la sala - LOL-
5.-Avergonzé al wn 8D! yei!
6.-Fuí al médico por los resultados y prácticamente me dijo que, estaba demasiado sana que le resultaba enfermo xD LOL.
7.- Como estoy bien, en este momento estoy tragando papitas *dies*
8.- Me la pase genial en SV 8D aunque debo salir con mis niñas o_ó! so bitches get ready! (?),
9.-Amo a jay D: porque es puto.
10.-Top se ve bien pitufino con el cabesho azul.


Y yá! me espera mi "sprite" frío en la nevera!.

p.-Azo i lov u ;_, its been a while.
P2.- Me gusta SeungHo de mblaq! * huye*

Overthinking!

Last week and part of this one, i've been thinking and sleeping a lot LOL. It doesn't have sense and i don't like it because it feels like if i've been wasting my time (?) doing nothing! i mean i do rest but besides that i don't do anything and being an active person is sashashashashass (?) . Christmas is coming D: my ghos! so looks like we only have one more year before the worlds end D:!. its been to years since my uncle past the way and still feels like yesterday uxu I'll have RED BEATS soon so, im excited! 8D * rollsovers* okyaxD and yes, as you can see i shared a lot of things in this little entry! i'm in a hurry so see ya later guys! ~

m.a.e. .f.r.e.i.e.n.s.

Of course albert is my friend too 8D!

It's been a while since i wanted to make this entry because my friends deserve it, ok no xD.

Everything has just started because i was cleaning my room, so while i was searching for something to get rid off -lol- i found some gifs that they have given to me my last birthday!.

I know that i'm not a very nice person, but i do really care about this bitches! because they are a very important part of my life, even if sometimes we got mad with eachother or just fight because one of us said that " fulanito HAVE to FUCK menganito" but the other one isn't agree with that uxu.

Anyways xD i love them fuck! xD

I was laughing senseless while i was reading what they wrote to me xD or at leats try! - aby we need to improve ur english skills o_ó -.

The draws were awesome! i even found an old KT and others stuffs that make me smile :)

Lately we haven't spent so much time together, but i hope i can see you guys soon.

And, i was planning on write more but i just xDDD having fun watching a video in tutubo its so fucking hilarious~~~~

GUYS I LOVE U AND U KNOW THAT, and if u doubt it then fuck u 8D kay no ~

P.-Dino's middle bro can die but not the other two ~ (?)

T.H.i.s

jujujuj alguien perdió un THUS porque no quiso apostar (?) Anyways D:! Llueve D: y odio la lluvia porque no puedo trabajar but i also like it because it creates a best atmosphera to hear sad songs, like " Tearsdrops in the rain" and "Its too late to apologized" so it's ok. Mi casa esta llena (?) 'cuz my mom and sistar just came out of the blue, the hurricane bring them to us (?. Mi abu saldra en las noticias locales proximamente so, no se la pierdan (?) después de la transmisión pueden sentirse libres de pedirle un autográfo 8D , of course she will say not to you but at least you try 8D -wtf-. I'm starving D: y la comida/cena aún no esta :X vida berraca porque siempre que llueve i feel so hungry?. Maybe it's a yammoto's plan to made HIS father earn more money? because el hace que llueva y la gente le da hambre so, van al sushi porque they feel to lazy to cook (?) ok no xD it's a stupid reason but alo mejor es verdad +dies+. I want some porn D: and it looks like nobody want to give it to me, life is so meaningless whihout it *cry*. Terminé de leer mi libro. Yes, i do read a lot but, usualmente no leo lo que la gente normal lee (?) so don't expect to me to talk about the recently book of fulanito. Leo muchos trhillers 8D i love them. Apenas terminé " La fosa" es genial, the only thing that i'm going to complaing about is that, because of the book, ya no me bañaré con la misma confianza en el mar lol. Yi, perdío un Thus, oh my this is second time i write it here, pero es que quiero dejarlo claro joderle la vida wtf. Si, escribi mixeado el inglé y el spanish, pero tengo a spy behind me, so hope u guys can find out what i trying to say lol. kiss for everyone (?)

Baby Don't Cry...

I guess that even if daesung told me that i wouldn't stop LOL. Anyways D: i'm kind of upset and i hate it. I know the reason and that made me be even more angry *dies*. I know that now i have to be mature and see everything from a different type of view but sometimes it's just so fucking hard that i don't want to think about it. Someone told me once what was the main problem with me, and until know i didn't want to accept it. I guess that for everyone it's so hards to accept ours weak points and ours defects. Of course i wont say anything because xD i know you guys and once you know, you'll be using this to annoying me so xD i won't say it 8D, so go and die 8D ok no xD. Shit, it's kind of embarrassament to recognize it even if i'm the only one who understand what is going on. Anyways, i guess that there are sometimes when you need to learn how to lose.

Life stuffs…/issues/troubles

It’s been a while since i had written something here but I just it pass 8D because I’m sexy ok no XD. Anyways D: I’ve been thinking so much about many stuffs related to my family and even If I tried to find a solution it looks like these “things” would never been solved. All of this involved my family and siblings and well xD life is a crap but even I n the hardest times you’ll always have your family – in some cases-. I don’t like the way sometimes my uncle yelled to my mom and I do have to recognize that there are some many cases when I did the same and I don’t like it because I do have to respect her because she is my mom but ghos! Sometimes it’s so difficult to me that I just wanted to cry. Most of the fights that we have are related to my uncle. I don’t want to blame on him but it’s just hard not to do it lol. The two last weeks were the hardest for me , well, because I have a lot of stress and I’ve been thinking that is something that I will have to get used to and also, find so many ways to get ride off it. My sister well, I don’t know what to think about her and I don’t want to say anything bad because she is just how she is and I would never change her, I just hope that she finds whatever she is looking for and that god takes care of her when she decided to leave us. My mom - the real one- I dunno why she is always complaining about the life, she have everything that a women could ask for but looks like she would never have enough - I also don’t like the way that she reacts when we gave her our point of view about his current relationship or her work. We didn’t mean to hurt her, but sometimes we have to be rough to made her understand. Ufff, well this is how the life is, with ups and downs but that´s nice in a certain way because if it were always the same , this couldn’t be call life. Cya gays!~

Troublesome things..

And yeah xD looks like i'll always come here when i have problems and it's true lol. When like the title says yes, today i had a hard fight with my uncle. Everybody knows that he had always been my grandma little boy and i don't blame her it's her son but c'mon! sometimes you hve to give to your owns childs a lessson. The thing is that today we had so many customers at the newstand - thanks to god- and we were - my grand and i - attending them, so we were busy. The really problem here comes when my grandma got confussed about who had gave her a 200 bill, she was like trying to guess who had gave it to her but my uncle who never think properly had started to yelled at her in front of the people and also he had started to yelled to the costumers. When he does that to my mom i got really really mad. i know that is her son and i know that she loves him so much but everything has a limit. i do recognize that i have a problem managing my emotions but thanks to her i've been trying to fix it. But today i couldn't, and even know i really really want to punch him and cry. I don't like the way he does his things and of course i hate when he make my grandma feel down. The thing is that while he was arguing with them i was saying to him " man, calm down and shut up" but he had kept doing his thing until i push him away of the newstand. At the begining i though that he was going to punch me, but he didn't. So, i came back to the newstand and i was trying to help my mom to resolve the "bill problem" that we had. And the end we lost 200 pesos, but well the money always come back lol. What it didn't like me of all of this was that i was so fucking mad at him that i really wanted to yell at him as the way that he had did it to my mom, and to get the things worse she did realize that i was full of anger and she had scolded me. i've been having problems with him , and i think this is the worse. the only thing that still pissing me of is that why do i always ended up being the tha bad one? i don't like it , i hate it. When rodis die, i really wanted to have a god relationship with koko but i guess that is something that never be. I sad too because, after that i wanted to speak with someone and i dialed the number but at the end i hung up because i had a selfish& stupid thought "is my fucking problem why should i bother people with this shit?" yeah, i'm so fucking stupid but anyways. My head hurts a lot and my eyes too. This is the first time that i react like this to something, i guess i have to star to search for an activity which help me to kick out all the anger that i have inside. i don't like this part of me and it makes me sad to see that maybe i couldn't fill up my grandma expectations. The life is just full of shit.

sigh...

She's ok now, so i guess today i could sleep like a rock 8D *dies*.

Yeah! after so many bad things Puka's ok *-* i'm so happy shit! xD i was so fucking afraid of her and i even cried infront of Yidee D: my ghos i felt so GAY after doing that but well xd it's done now (?).

So many things had happened to me D: but to be honest, havig her in labor and suffering don't let me think in anything else.

I have bad news and good news.

The first one it is - like you had read it- she's ok, she's kind of weak because she haven't eaten properly but i guess that in the next few days she'll be completly alright!.

The second one she didn't have to be operated.

The third one is that, the little dogs was dead.

Talking about the last one, it was something that everyone knew even if we denied it LOL.

When something like this happen, even in the worst moments we never lose the faith, even if the porcents of life were really low.

So, now i guess you are asking to yourself " how the hell does she know that the dog was dead if puka didn't need the cesarean?"

Well, xD the thing was that Puka gave a birht in the middle of the night but no one relized so, like already said the dog was dead so, like a very natural behavior she ate it.

Yeah, she did that and it doesn't really surprise me.

We didn't even relaized until we were with the veterinarian - this man is so fucking honest *hearts* because when he was examinated her he told me, "she can't be operated today" "Why?" " Because she doesn't have anything inside"

When he said that we were like WTF, but then we have started to think and that was the only answer that we could get.

At the end puka only got and inyection, some calcium and antibiotics.. and u know what? i'm so happy because i didn't want to her to be operated *-* maybe "jong" heard me and make my wish come true...

Puka i love u ~~ * dance*

They're back!!

GD's radioghrapy?

ok no .

*________________________* HOLY SHITTTTTTT XD THEY'RE BACK *havingabigorgasm* ok ya xD but i'm so fuckin' happy & excited because T.O.P. had sended me a kiss in Tonight 8D ok no xD.

ASHASHASHASAS I ALREADY HEARD ALL THE SONGs AND THEY ARE AMAZING *-* dxskdbcsd TOP MAKE ME A CHILD! (?) his voice is so fucking sexy that made my legs become jelly lol.

Of course is kind of strange to hear " Hands up" and " somebody to love" in korean but i guess i'll get used to soon.

"What is right and what is worng" is ashshssahas xD i like it, the same for " Café" "Tonight" y el "intro" lol.

what a easy person am i xD but i can't deny i love the entire album.... i love itttttttt~xD.

Tomorrow i'll play the hole day their album 8D because they deserve it * nakeddance*.

I guess i'll stop this crazy entry here because xD my grandma is sleeping but i still feel so excited lol.

It was a good choice to bought it 8D even if we doesn't have money now right Yidee_?

We are poors but we are complety happy 8D.

btw i wanna have it already LOL.

The phrase of the day " Being poor is not a state is a life style ".... LOL.

Spending...

HELL YEAH! MY MONEY IS BURNING!!

-and i don't think that's a good thing-

*dies*

I've been trying everything to save some money but it looks like the world have become my first financial enemy (?).

I mean, back then like 3 or 4 months i was in a regular financial way but now i'm literaly living for the day (?) LOL.

But i want to let somehitng clear D: it's not my fault it's the korean music industry fault... right Yi dee ? xD.

Why does they always HAVE TO release SO MANY things at the same time D:? didn't they know that we are poors? ok no xD but please give me a breath xD.

First of all i started to buy like a maniatic after my cousin give the permission to used the credit card *x*! and i guess the best inversion that i could ever have done was buy the Super Show 2 *_* my gohs! i have so many accidents while i was whatching it xD even my grandma recongnize that kyuhyun have a GREAT voice and she'd asked me for the repeat his solo part twice, TWICE *rollingoverherbody* xD.

Then i bought another stuffs *-* and i still waiting for more..like 6 packets LOL.

This is bad because i also was speding my money in Sushi, chocolate and coffee D:.

I need a new pair of headphones too so i have to do a best investment this time, because it doesn't have sense to buy cheapers headphones if they aren't going to work enough.

To get it worse, yesterday my mom had given me 10 dollars and she said " This have to be enough untill the next sunday" and i was like " are u kidding me? xD with this i just can afford my transportation during the week xD.

So i guess i have to become poor (?) or at leats i 'll star to pick up all the aluminium cans that i see and exchanged them for money (?) ok no xD that's an extremely situation, but i going to save money i swear it! and if i don't jonghyun can die... - spending all her money- just kidding.

I don't usually ride the bus D: but if i want to stabilize my financial state i should star doing it...even if i hate so much hearing other people problems or how interesting was the soup opera the night before...

;_; this is going to be a hard week.

and yeah lol you can kick me for complaining about this kind o things..

Saranghaeyo guys...

}picking up all the coins that she find}

ok ya xD.

*hearts*

In my world...

In my world

In a place not visible

Needing air to live

In my world

Always with a bright smile

Did people laugh at me?

So let’s fly

Just you and I

Don’t cry

No, I don’t cry

I’m always by your side

Signing you a song

Would you look at me now standing here

Turning a blind eye to the day

I’m born again

Come out

In my world

I’ll hold you and protect you.

Duunno why everytime i heard this song something inside of me get hurt-and just because of that i already bought the single lol- maybe i just imagining things but it has an special meaning, at leats for me. Seungri i hate you (?) but i still love you (WTF).

I got it!

*-* MY G-TOP is here! ashahsas and i'll edit this later 'cuz i don't want to write lol

S.U.F.F.E.E

8D * eats everything*

lol.

YES!! BIC BEN IS BACK~... ok no xD it's just that i hearing that song and it makes me want to sing LOL.

*-* well, yesterday, My Yidee, Mareana(?) and I went to eat sushi.

Ashsashsa it was so fuckin' delicious *dies* but i don't remember what did we eat lol, i mean the names xD.

Yidee ate something with banana D: and mareana something with ..... duh i don't rememberLOL but the taste was good *-* and i like it.

I ate something strange which have chipotle sauce 8D also we enojyed the music that they were playing xD everyone heard at least one their favorites song xD but the one who enjoyed most was mareana xD because she likes ( almost) all the song xD.

When we paid D: they were stealing us money Dx it wasn't on porpuse(?) though but it wan'st fair.

After that, mareana had to return to her house because her family was waiting for her to go to buy the tortillas so, she leave us there with her heart full of pain (lol).

We were filling enough or that was what we wanted to think xD because when we were nearby Starburck we decied to drink some coffee LOL. And YES all you saw in Super Junior Exploration the Human Body it's true (?). i mean even if you have ate a lot you ALWAYS would have space to eat something else lol.

Also we stopped there because Yidee was going to share some files with me but my fucking Hard Drive didn't want to work LOL.

At the end she took a taxi and she went to her house D: and i just walked a little bit and then i went to my house too.

I spent a great afternoon with the girls *-* so itwas a good day after all 8D.

I have to go now D:

Cya ~~~~

P.-I LOVE TEDDYXKUSH LOL

Kidnapping 83!

LAMO! I know that when i said it to my mom she had the same expression like sho xD.

I almost got robbed today.

And because i'm a so fucking lucky person haven't i xD.

Everything started after my uncle let me near the Karabali at almost 10: am. I crossed the street and while i was waiting for the taxi, two guys inside of a white car stopped just in front of me, one of them opened the door and i swear, when he saw me i felt afraid.

Very afraid.

When i saw him, the first thing that i did was return to the highway and i started to walk between the cars, - yeah like Yamomoto & Gokureda did in my dreams lol-. when the other guy who was with him saw this,, he stopped the other one and just stared at me.

GOD! i almost peed there.

At the end i ended up crossing the street and i took a taxi. I was so fucking afraid, because i was carrying telephone card with me and i didn't cry because if you cry while you are riding a taxi, the taxi driver start to asking you questions and i wasn't in the mood LOL.

This is no the first time that this happen so i guess i have to be careful from now on D: i haven't said the completly truth to my grandma because she'll nervouse and phsyco about me, i only said this to my mom and she gave me a can of pepper spray xD so, don't bother me or i'll let you blind....only for some minutes but will i.. LOL.

Besides that,nothing else had happen ... duh xD! i want an EEL! and Yidee's gonna buy me one for my birthday 8D so, i'll waitxD Cya!~~~~

P.- By the way, i can't be murdered or kidnapping before i saw the BB concert, and the Suju show and defenitley I HAVE TO thouch my gtop lol and also see don't go home mv and... lol.

Dreams...

I'll be with you forever ~

It's been a while isn't it? <- LOL i guess i have to change the way to start an entry in the blog D: because it has been the same since so much time ago... even Yidee has made more entries that me D: and that's hilarious (?).

Anyways xD So many things have been happened in my life, but even if there was something unsual event i don't know why i didn't want to share it here.

That doesn't mean that i started to feel tired about the blog, it's just that, i didn't want to write anything, until today.

I've been seeing Yidee almost everyday xD at the begining it was kind of strange because i was already used to walk alone but thanks to her unnesscesary "Basic English" class she's been having the opportunity to loose her time in the newstand LOL, also it's nice to walk with someone, just talking about random/ ghei things xD ahaha and i love that.

All Hato Acapulco have been spending money... and i dunno if that's something good because we need to save money to go to the places of the " Someday list" Yeah, because we have one lol, starting with the night club clover.

8D it's kind of weird that i still want to keep writing LOL.

Anyways xD the main reason of the entry (?) is my Kemaru dream *-* xD.

I swear, i'll stop to read fanfics before i go to sleep D: because i've been dreaming "things" and no, xD it wasn't porn D: but it was something stupid xD so very stupid that it made me laughing while i was sleeping LOL.

And that's it xD! i'm actually kind of tired of writing xd because lately i've been using the lap only to read fanfics and not to chatting or doing something productive.. anyways who cares xD.

I'll go to read 8D so, have a nice night (?) ~

Tonight...

Tonight

I've fallen and

I can't get up

I need your loving hands to come and pick me up

And every night I miss you

I can just look up

And

know

the stars are Holding you,

holding you, holding you

Tonight.

*look up there*

I guess i have to stop of doing those kind of things... it's just that i can't stop myself, you know what i mean? when i heard a song and a certain part of this one likes me, i'll take it and put it here because it makes me daydreaming, it makes me remeber something, it could make me feel happy or sad but maybe draw a smile on my face,or it could make the tears come down.

Music can do everything in me.

Dunno......

Why do i feel so sad today that i even want to cry? Yeah it's been a while and you know what? i don't really care. I don't know why i'm not in the mood to celebrate christmas D: it sucks. Maybe i'm just tired or mad with the life... to be honest i don't know and that pisses me off because i can't manage it, i can't handle it. Nothing bad had happened to me and i guess i don't have a certain reason to be like am i. I've been having fun with my friends, i've been going out - not as much as i want but who cares- I've been practicing my english - because lately i've been making god fellas from canada, L.A. and wisconsin.- i've been releasing a good song - HIGH HIGH - ok no xD and i've been working in the place that i like .....but i don't feel happy. Right now i'm alone at home instead of been moving my ass at the kermese with the people who have newstands. My life sucks... no... my mood sucks because it changes so quickly that even it surprises me. How a bipolar person am i! 'cuz at this moment i want to dance while i hearing HIGH HIGH but at the same time i'm crying... Yeah this fucking holidays sucks.... i hate them so hard.... but i hope tomorrow will be a better day.

Day four...

Even if so much time has passed,

the pain still feel like the first day....

Day three..

Since november 25, nothing has been the same..