Overthinking!

Last week and part of this one, i've been thinking and sleeping a lot LOL. It doesn't have sense and i don't like it because it feels like if i've been wasting my time (?) doing nothing! i mean i do rest but besides that i don't do anything and being an active person is sashashashashass (?) . Christmas is coming D: my ghos! so looks like we only have one more year before the worlds end D:!. its been to years since my uncle past the way and still feels like yesterday uxu I'll have RED BEATS soon so, im excited! 8D * rollsovers* okyaxD and yes, as you can see i shared a lot of things in this little entry! i'm in a hurry so see ya later guys! ~

Day four...

Even if so much time has passed,

the pain still feel like the first day....

Day three..

Since november 25, nothing has been the same..

Day two...

I can't stop thinkin' about you.

Day one...

I miss you...

This is it...

This is one of those moments that i want to cry,

this is one of those moments when i need a hug,

this is one of those moments that reminds me

that i have to be strong and do no let the pain

pulled me down, and this is one of those

moments that i just want to die .

So many times i've been having this sui's caedere thoughs, i already know that it's bad but i just can't stop doing it.

Several times when it's almost 3 am and i still awake, thinking , they come to my mind, when i saw my grandma crying because she saw something that reminds to my uncle, they appears again.

I haven't told about this to anyone xD because i'm not the kind of person that's goes for the life hopping that people notices and take care of me, but i guess that this is one of those moments when i feel so alone and that's frsutrating.

I talked about this with fryne several months ago, and i don't know if she said something to her mom because my cousin has been stalking me about it.

I think it's normal to imagine how the things would have changed if my uncle hadn't passed the way, if he hadn't got sick, if i would be the one who left this world.

I've been trying to get along well with my uncle koko because of my grandma because i realized how painful was for her when she saw the kind of relationship that we had, i know i cheating her for acting like if everything's fine but i want to her to be happy, make her happier no matter how or what.

This doesn't mean that i don't love my uncle, of course i did, but not as i used to love Yuyo.

Many times, crying, i've been desiring been in his place, because i had imagine how i would be the life without me xD i wouldn't be like it is because my uncle gave to my grand a support that sometimes i feel i would never could give to her.

People who knew me before he died have been telling me that i'm not the same person that i used to be, that now i kind of cold and it's looks like i don't even care about people feelings, my own mother had been telling me it too.

I feel so empty, so false, that i just want to leave everything and go away, i have my five minutes

full of stupids thoughs, and then i come back to the reality because i know i can't do that.

My mom brought maricahis to my grandma and they were playing a very sad song to my grandma that made her cry, i hugged her and she told me, " hug me, hug me so tight because we don't know if we could be like this the next year" .

I guess that's the things that worried me so much, being alone, being without her.

My cousin told me once that i just a child, but "that's not true, i'm old now, i can't use my age like an excuse" that's why i told her back then, but now having this kind of thoughs i guess she is right, for the first time i have to give her the reason.

Feelings......

Yuyo, te extraño. Ayer soñé contigo. Ayer en mis sueños te pude tocar. Ayer te abraze con fuerza y te dije cuanto te quería. Hoy, ya no puedo verte, no puedo tocarte más. Pero se que te amo,que estás aquí y no me vas dejar.

Even if i cannot see you i feel you presence next to me.

You'll be always in my heart.

November 25 ...

Even now it's hard to belive. It's hard to accept it. It's because looks like you're going to appear suddenly.

It's just like a fucking lie, just like a horrible nigtmare. I was with you the last minutes of your maginific existence and i promised you something that i going to do, something that i have to do. You were breathing so slowly, your skin was warm when i took your hand and it was diffucult try not to cry. I kissed you and i dried the sweat of your face, my grand and my mom were around you too. They told you that everything it will be ok, that you can leave us without worries. You know that they lied to you because things never will be the same without you. And i feel your last beating because i was taking your pulse since some minutes ago...

and after that i said " He's gone, Yuyo's gone mommy..."

Everybody miss you, but we understand baby, we know t hat you're happy now and i really feel proud to had you like a father because that was what you mean to me, a fathuncle lol. You are jerk you know ? and now i just want that you do something, i just wanna that you rest in peace, because now it's my turn to be the support because a cicle is close now but for a new one it's the begining. Rest in peace my loveable Yuyo, i know that maybe never i can show you how much i love you but now i going to do my best to honor your memories, Love my yuyito, my wero, my cosito ghei, the man who always admired and a big important part of my heart.